![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Tuesday morning I woke with the clear memory of a dream of falling in the tub while showering and hitting my head, at which point the dream abruptly stopped. Wednesday morning I had much the same dream but confusion about the fall being an accident was added.
Diabetics tend to be more aware of death, and of possibilities for suicide, than the regular population. I have had reflections on suicide many times since it was determined that I suffer from diabetes, a subject I hadn't given much thought before. The older I get, the more I think about death.
The dream returned on Thursday. The fall didn't seem like an accident. I was exploring the idea of arranging a fall so my head would hit very hard. Friday and Saturday were much the same. The dreams ended abruptly in each case.
I had showered on Monday, before the dreams started. As the dreams continued I became increasingly reluctant to shower again. By Friday it had become obvious that I needed to shower but I was unable to force myself to do so.
I didn't mention my anxiety to anybody. They were only aware that I was in need of cleansing my body.
I showered Saturday afternoon without mishap. I mentioned my dreams to Cathy afterwards. There were no more dreams on Sunday, so I mentioned them to Delia at breakfast.
My family and I have a history of having dreams greatly influence our lives, particularly when they seem to come true in some way, as they sometimes do. I have also dreamed of former lives and, possibly, of future lives. It is more common for me to dream I am young again and working with people who I know have died or people who have had a great influence on my life. The dream I woke from this morning, Sunday, was of working on a ranch or farm with Bob Eggleston, a man I had worked with in Panama who I believe died of colon cancer a few years ago.
I feel I have real reasons to fear my dreams. But I mustn't let them rule my life.
Blogged with the Flock Browser
- Mood:
relieved
